Becca's Thoughts
by kirsty-nolan87
Summary: Becca's thoughts on her and Justin. Set from the time Nancy comes back to Justin moving in. Becca's thoughts in italic. Thanks to Soapy and Emzie for their help


Becca couldn't believe it when Nancy walked through the door, it was not the best scene to come home to, to find her and Justin kissing on the table. Becca knew she should've told Nancy about Justin before she got back.

_What on earth was I meant to tell Nancy on the phone "Can't wait till you're back and by the way I'm seeing Justin, 'bye." How can I expect her to accept Justin and me as a couple when before she left I was trying to get Jake back? I was only thinking of the baby when I was trying to get back with Jake. Justin is the person I love, he's the one I want to be with. I want to be happy and I am happy with Justin, more than anyone will know. He may be sixteen but when I'm with him it's like I can do anything and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks I love him, have done for a long time and I want to be with him. It's time I start thinking about myself._

Becca offered to help Nancy with her revision and wanted to talk about her and Justin but Nancy couldn't stand to look at her. Becca told Nancy she couldn't help how she felt.

_I can't help how I feel_. _I Love Justin, why can people not just accept it. I know it wasn't right to have an affair and that I shouldn't have give in to my feelings as Justin was my student but fighting them just got so hard._

When Becca came out her room Nancy asked how long she had waited after she had gone before calling Justin? How she hoped everything would be back to normal when she got back from their mum's. Becca and Justin were talking when the phone rang and when Becca hung up she told them that the CPS were dropping the charges against her.

_I'm happy that the charges have been dropped, I know I shouldn't have had the affair with Justin as there was always the chance that I would be charged but I couldn't help who I fell love with._

Becca and Justin went out and argued in the street as it seemed that Becca was ashamed to be seen with him.

_I'm not ashamed to been seen with him so why did I push him away when he put is arms around me?_

Becca stormed back to the flat where Nancy was trying to revise, Becca went over to where Nancy was working and slammed her book shut and called Justin. While they were waiting for Justin coming over Becca told her that they were going to work this out once and for all as Justin was now an even bigger part of her life than he was before.

_Justin was a big part of my life before we got together, we had a friendship from when I started to tutor him. Then when it was my hen night and Liz got the call that someone was in hospital I was praying it wasn't Justin then when I seen him there I was so happy. Even when he scared me in the flat I couldn't stop myself from going to see him in prison. I couldn't believe how jealous I was when I heard that Justin had slept with Nicole; it was like someone had just ripped out my heart. Then, when I found out he didn't, I was so relieved I went over to see him on Christmas eve, OMG Christmas eve and Christmas night. Christmas night was amazing! I have never felt like I did on that night, even if we had just spent the night talking it would have been great. _

Once Justin got to the flat Nancy couldn't help herself, she couldn't do anything but make stupid comments about him. It wasn't long before Becca got sick of it and told them both to stop, Becca told them she wanted the three of them to sit down and talk about it and try to find a situation they were all happy with. If they couldn't, they would have to start doing things her way. Then came the bombshell that neither Justin or Nancy had been expecting, Becca said she wanted Justin to come and live with her and Nancy and told Nancy if she didn't like it she would have to go back and live with their Mum. At that Nancy stormed off to her room.

_If Liz had not been moving away I don't think I would ask Justin to move in but now that we're together again I don't want lose him again and I know if he moves I will. _

Ever since Nancy had come out of her room Becca had tried to talk to her. Nancy asked Becca if she had even thought of asking her about him moving in before she asked. Becca replied "No, not really" "The thought never crossed your mind did it?" Nancy asked "I asked him to stay 'cause I want him here with me" "I don't know how you can, Jake would take you back, if you to would just work things out." "It's finished, he said it face to face when he was picking up his things, he's not interested and neither am I. It was over long before we split up." "You don't mean that" "I should never have taken him back after Lisa Hunter" "He wasn't married to you then" "Exactly getting married was a big mistake, everything was wrong between us anyway."

_Marrying Jake was a mistake, I thought I loved him enough. _

"Can you at least try and see things from my point of view" Becca asked " Your selfish point of view!" "I have feelings for Justin and I know it's painful for everyone but I need him here with me right now so can you just try and understand." "So are you going to stay with him, live happily ever after?" "You're being silly" " Tell me, do you have a future with Justin?" "Will you stop it!" "Answer me" "I'm getting divorced!" 

_Why can Nancy not just be happy for me? I want a future with Justin; I can see a future with him. Why is it hard for her to understand that I can have feelings for Justin, so what if am twenty-four and he's sixteen? what has age got to do with anything when I love him. _

There was a knock at the flat door and when Becca opened it she found Liz asking her to break it off with Justin "I'm not discussing this with you." Becca replied "He's my son, what are you doing asking him to live with you?" "It's what I want, it's what we both want" "What does someone like you, a married women want with a sixteen year old" "He wants it too, I'm sorry if this is upsetting you." "He's still a child, what does he know about relationships, sharing his life with a mature women?" "He's more mature than you think" "What do you get out of this, you're intelligent Becca don't you know people are laughing at you?" "I can deal with that." "At my son's expense and how long will this last? What happens to him when you think you've made a mistake." "I haven't!" "How do you know that?" "I know what I'm doing" "Why would someone from your background and education want to live with a teenager?" "Right you stop that right there." "It's wrong and you should be ashamed" "I love your son" "Don't give me that." "I do and I've given up my marriage and most of my future to prove it." "What future, Becca? He's a pot washer, how you going to survive? You going to keep your job at the school?" "I don't know" "It's going to be hard, why don't you just give him time? Take back what you said bout him moving in here, please just let him grow up a bit." "I have made my decision, Justin has agreed to live with me." "You don't know who the baby's father is do you?" "I love Justin and he loves me" "He's just a child." "I'm sorry I know you may be blind to this but he's not a child, not anymore."

_What right does she have to tell me to end things with Justin just because she not happy with it? I don't care if people are laughing at me because I'm seeing Justin, I know I'm not making a mistake asking Justin to move in, a different situation would have been better but I'm not going to lose him again. Why should I be ashamed of being in love with Justin?_

Becca could hear Liz shouting in the street and when she looked out of the window she seen that Liz was holding up things of Justin's to prove that he was still a child.

_Why am I cowering away in the flat? I feel like I've just given Liz as good as she gave me, in my head I'm always strong about me and Justin but when people are about or say something I go all weak. Why am I only strong in my head._

Becca and Justin sat later sorting out his things that Liz had so kindly dumped in front of Becca's door when she was showing Becca that Justin was still a child.

_I can't believe I'm sat here with Justin sorting out his things. I never thought we would get this far in such a short space of time. This time a few weeks ago I was telling him I wanted nothing to do with him but that was a lie, I couldn't stop thinking about him when I finished it after Grace. Now he's moving in and everything's right, I'm with the person I love and I'm happy, I'm past caring what other people think._


End file.
